From time to time, Gawker's Rankings section is pleased to present rankings submitted by its readers and fans. Today, we bring you "Gawker Media Sites, Ranked," by one Joe Mayes. — Ed.
Gawker Media: come for the Deadspin, stay for the Jezebelian man-hate…
The internet is big. Huge. Gargantuan. There is no way to fathom its vastness, let along begin to digest even the tiniest fraction of its information it contains.
As a result, it is nigh impossible to whittle down the number of websites to read during fucking-off-from-work-time during the day.
So in order to help you choose, I provide you a breakdown of the top nine Gawker Media sites.
Of course there are criteria. Any list worth its salt has criteria. This list is no different. In that it has criteria, not in that it's worth its salt.
- Name non-stupidness: If a site has a stupid name, you lose points (I'm looking at you, Cockatoo or Kakatutu or whatever your stupid name is).
- Breadth of appeal: How wide an audience does the site appeal to? I don't mean how wide are the individual readers (*cough*Gizmodo*cough*). I mean, what is the breadth of information to draw in a more diverse crowd.
- Social relevance of content: Jezebel gets bonus points here. Jalopnik, not so much.
- Intelligence of the Commentariat: io9 and Gizmodo score high here. This criterion kept Deadspin from cracking the top two.
- My personal preferences and biases: Suck it. My list, my rules.
9. Kataku: Seriously…what the hell is this? Sounds like Robert Blake's bird. Did someone at a Gawker production meeting really think the internet didn't have enough websites for gaming dorks?
8. Jalopnik: I mean…it's cars. For car geeks. Great for capturing the coveted 16-18-year-old-boy-in-1971 demographic.
7. Gizmodo: Cool tech shit. Like Lifehacker, but for moneyed Gawkeranians. In other words, has twelve regular readers (including writers and editors).
6. Drudge Report: Wait…this isn't a Gawker property? Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa…
5. Lifehacker: Basically this is Pinterest without all the housewives. Cool shit you can apply to real life. That is, if your real live involves shaving without shaving cream or making your own cup o' noodles Because, you know, that $0.25 you'd have to pay at the Piggly Wiggly is just too much
4. Gawker: The Mother Ship. So, yeah…it's got that going for it. Which is nice.
3. Jezebel: Seems to want to be Salon. Loves lesbians. Could show more support for gay men, however. Hey…why isn't there a Gawker property for the LGBT community? GAWKER IS SECRETLY HOMOPHOBIC! But, yeah…to paraphrase Pete Townshend, the Jezzies are alright.
2. Deadspin: A place in the Gawkersphere for men. Assuming they're men who like sports, cooking, and Drew Magary's stories of poop pants (occasionally someone else's). Ranks higher than Jezebel for two reasons: 1. Because I have a penis and, B. Because frankly, they scare me a little bit over there.
1. io9: The baddest ass in the Gawker lineup, by far. It has true knowledge across a wide range of science fiction, fantasy, futurism, science, technology and whatnot. Even The Iraq, I think. You can find out if the Tasaday tribe in the Philippines is real or not, and learn who wasted their immortality. It has everything from Starbucks art to the history of the English language.
If you have time for just one Gawker site, go with io9.
If, however, you're like me and spend most of your day refreshing Gawker to find out if Ben Affleck's penis really shows up in Gone Girl, read 'em all.
And for the record, yes. Yes it does.